The explosion of the consumer culture has yielded an enormous degree of personal control and a staggering amount of choices. The need to constantly prop up a self-constructed image of oneself requires constant tending. It’s both time-consuming and addictive.
The paradox is that the world has never seemed more about us, yet many are lonely, unsatisfied, and not sure of their identity and place in this world.
There have never been as many choices and voices telling you why and what you should choose. Many people have a vested interest in their own agendas, not necessarily you and your ideas. In addition, choosing certain friends can be very externally affirming but may very well be a poor choice for you. So how do you put the YOU back in YOUR life? Well, in some ways it is not as complex as we think.
- Know who you are- honestly and with clarity
- Trust your perspective and make courageous choices
- Surround yourself with quality people who are genuinely interested in you
Here is the deal - when you are true to yourself in a healthy way, you win and so does everyone around you. You actually don’t have to “fake it till you make it.” When you are true to yourself, love, friends, success and career satisfaction will be much easier and more natural. You will not feel a constant need to chase more of this or that. The answer lies with knowing, accepting and being true to your own identity. It lies with not allowing, family, friends, coworkers, schools, brands, companies, or even job titles to define who you are:
You!
The benefit? Authenticity of YOU
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Text Etiquette for Dummies
Technology generally makes life easier. And few technological advances have been as profound or sweeping as the mobile phone.
Young and old, male and female, American, Asian or African -- everybody relies on cell phones these days, both for making calls and increasingly for sending and receiving text messages.
And text isn't just for business. Indeed, text is especially useful in the dating world where anything that facilitates easier communication is a gift. But technology always seems to open the door to additional questions. Is there such a thing as text etiquette?
The short answer is YES though what is perceived as proper or improper behavior might well be generational.
After all, twentysomethings who've virtually grown up around cell phones and text technology are certain to be more casual about its usage than those who've come to it later in life. Still, some general guidelines apply.
1. Breaking a Date
Is it OK to break a date via text message? This is one of those instances where your answer probably depends on your age. Younger people who are fully acclimatized to text technology likely think a quick message indicating that something has unexpectedly come up is no biggie, where older users might think a phone call is in order.
In this instance, the best advice is common sense. If the date you are breaking is the very first (and you have a very good reason for breaking it), text is probably not the way to go. If however, you are breaking a date with someone you've been seeing a while - someone who knows you have manners and wouldn't cancel unless you really had to - a quick text is probably fine.
2. Following up a Date
You maybe asking whether a friendly post-date text message (say, on your way home from the date) was creepy or cool. Most people I've talked to said a quick text was just fine. Clearly, the old "three day rule" about waiting three days before contacting a date (even a good one) does not apply in our caffeinated modern times.
In this scenario, text is very handy. Daters can cut to the chase and make their positive feelings known without having to think on the spot about scheduling the next date. A simple "Thanks that was fun. CU again soon!" says it all.
3. Watch the Language
The thing about text is that it's so convenient and right there that people sometimes forget it creates a permanent record. On the plus side, a quick text message can act like perfume, reminding you of a person in a positive way. On the other hand, negative stuff is there forever.
That includes profanity, things written in anger (ALL CAPS!!!! even if CAPS'ed by mistake), stupid things dashed off without forethought and all the rest.
The point here -- just because text is easy doesn't mean it lacks the potential freight of an email or phone call. If you wouldn't call someone up on the phone and say it to their ear, don't text it to their Blackberry. Also, an economy of language counts, so choose your words carefully; be concise and succinct.
4. Watch the Frequency
Because texting is so simple and quick, it's easy to get carried away. As a general rule, make sure the number of messages sent equals the number of messages received. If you have sent a couple of messages without receiving a response, it could be that the messagee is away from the phone... or not interested in replying. Just because you can send a million messages a second doesn't mean you should.
Similarly, if the message you hope to convey isn't urgent, time-sensitive and can't be broken down into a few short, easily digestible passages ("You won't believe this but I just saw a guy dressed as a clown with a real parrot sitting on his shoulder riding down the street on a unicycle while juggling oranges!") wait until you see them in person to pass the story along.
5. Photos
Cameras in phones were once the must-have option, but are now considered standard fare; some high-end ones coming out this year will push eight to 12 mega pixels these days. Which means practically everyone has a camera with them at all times. But should you capture every moment? Just because you can snag a pic of your friend drooling while they doze on a road-trip doesn't mean it's prudent. Worse still, you pass that photo onto friends or a social networking site and that embarrassing moment will stick to them forever.
When taking a shot of yourself for your Lavalife profile, lots of bright light (more than you'd normally think necessary) is also crucial for taking a share-worthy camera photo given the inferior cameras found in most phones. Plus, framing with a camera phone is just as important as with a regular camera.
If you're taking a shot of yourself in a mirror, watch where you hold the camera when you line it up, otherwise you'll have a nice shot of your phone where your face should be or a picture of a toilet behind you!
Young and old, male and female, American, Asian or African -- everybody relies on cell phones these days, both for making calls and increasingly for sending and receiving text messages.
And text isn't just for business. Indeed, text is especially useful in the dating world where anything that facilitates easier communication is a gift. But technology always seems to open the door to additional questions. Is there such a thing as text etiquette?
The short answer is YES though what is perceived as proper or improper behavior might well be generational.
After all, twentysomethings who've virtually grown up around cell phones and text technology are certain to be more casual about its usage than those who've come to it later in life. Still, some general guidelines apply.
1. Breaking a Date
Is it OK to break a date via text message? This is one of those instances where your answer probably depends on your age. Younger people who are fully acclimatized to text technology likely think a quick message indicating that something has unexpectedly come up is no biggie, where older users might think a phone call is in order.
In this instance, the best advice is common sense. If the date you are breaking is the very first (and you have a very good reason for breaking it), text is probably not the way to go. If however, you are breaking a date with someone you've been seeing a while - someone who knows you have manners and wouldn't cancel unless you really had to - a quick text is probably fine.
2. Following up a Date
You maybe asking whether a friendly post-date text message (say, on your way home from the date) was creepy or cool. Most people I've talked to said a quick text was just fine. Clearly, the old "three day rule" about waiting three days before contacting a date (even a good one) does not apply in our caffeinated modern times.
In this scenario, text is very handy. Daters can cut to the chase and make their positive feelings known without having to think on the spot about scheduling the next date. A simple "Thanks that was fun. CU again soon!" says it all.
3. Watch the Language
The thing about text is that it's so convenient and right there that people sometimes forget it creates a permanent record. On the plus side, a quick text message can act like perfume, reminding you of a person in a positive way. On the other hand, negative stuff is there forever.
That includes profanity, things written in anger (ALL CAPS!!!! even if CAPS'ed by mistake), stupid things dashed off without forethought and all the rest.
The point here -- just because text is easy doesn't mean it lacks the potential freight of an email or phone call. If you wouldn't call someone up on the phone and say it to their ear, don't text it to their Blackberry. Also, an economy of language counts, so choose your words carefully; be concise and succinct.
4. Watch the Frequency
Because texting is so simple and quick, it's easy to get carried away. As a general rule, make sure the number of messages sent equals the number of messages received. If you have sent a couple of messages without receiving a response, it could be that the messagee is away from the phone... or not interested in replying. Just because you can send a million messages a second doesn't mean you should.
Similarly, if the message you hope to convey isn't urgent, time-sensitive and can't be broken down into a few short, easily digestible passages ("You won't believe this but I just saw a guy dressed as a clown with a real parrot sitting on his shoulder riding down the street on a unicycle while juggling oranges!") wait until you see them in person to pass the story along.
5. Photos
Cameras in phones were once the must-have option, but are now considered standard fare; some high-end ones coming out this year will push eight to 12 mega pixels these days. Which means practically everyone has a camera with them at all times. But should you capture every moment? Just because you can snag a pic of your friend drooling while they doze on a road-trip doesn't mean it's prudent. Worse still, you pass that photo onto friends or a social networking site and that embarrassing moment will stick to them forever.
When taking a shot of yourself for your Lavalife profile, lots of bright light (more than you'd normally think necessary) is also crucial for taking a share-worthy camera photo given the inferior cameras found in most phones. Plus, framing with a camera phone is just as important as with a regular camera.
If you're taking a shot of yourself in a mirror, watch where you hold the camera when you line it up, otherwise you'll have a nice shot of your phone where your face should be or a picture of a toilet behind you!
Friday, April 3, 2009
8 Rules of the Rebound...
Getting over the end of a relationship can be a slow and painful experience, particularly if you thought he/she was The One.
But as the "I'll never love again" fog lifts and you start seeing the world clearly again (albeit through puffy, bloodshot eyes), it's only natural that your thoughts will eventually turn to meeting someone new.
Let it Be:
It takes time to heal from the rejection, hurt and emotional devastation that comes with the end of a relationship. Make sure you give yourself time to get over things. Don't launch into a rebound relationship before your tear-stained cheeks have dried. The first week post-breakup should be spent with a close friend, bawling like a banshee and not giving a damn what anyone thinks.
Banish the Ex:
Don't call. Don't SMS. Don't email. Don't leave notes on their car windshield. Don't wander by their workplace hoping to "accidentally" bump into them. In short, don't become a crazed stalker. It's unproductive. It's unattractive. And there are laws against it. You'll know when (and if) you can be friends with an ex. Until then, cut the cord and get on with finding someone who actually wants to be with you, not obsessing over someone who doesn't.
Be Kind to Yourself:
Looking after yourself physically and emotionally are the first steps towards getting back in the saddle after a split. Remember to eat (chocolate and chips are fine for the first few days but do try to introduce a few more food groups as the days go by) and drink (thrice as much water as alcohol is a good rule of thumb). Invest in a massage, a short getaway (Vegas works! LOL) or a new haircut. Above all, remember to surround yourself with people who make you feel good.
Go Easy:
Flirting up a storm online is a great self-esteem booster, especially if your confidence has taken a hit. But getting things out of your system by hooking up with workmates, roommates, neighbors or anyone else you see on a regular basis creates more problems than it solves. Don't let your scattered emotions lead you into a liaison with someone close to you, especially someone you know has a crush on you.
Keep it Casual:
If you've got "an itch", by all means scratch it. But don't wreck the bed with the first person that so much as looks at you. Unless you're experienced in the mysterious ways of casual, no-strings sex, now is not the time to get in touch with your Inner Floozy.
Just Perfect:
The phrase "out of the frying pan and into the fire" springs to mind when talking about classic rebound behavior. If you've come out of a less-than-satisfactory relationship, the next half-decent person that happens along will seem like God's gift. It's easy to become infatuated with this apparent Mr. or Ms. Right, who at first glance is everything your ex wasn't. But don't fall into the trap of romanticizing a new love interest. They have just as many faults and quirks as your ex -- you're just not familiar with them yet.
Fess Up:
When you do start dating again, it's considered good form to fill your new guy or girl in on the situation. This is not the time for a scathing critique of your ex boyfriend's sexual performance or a bitch session about your last girlfriend's borderline eating disorder. A simple statement of the fact that you are a little fragile due to a recent breakup will suffice.
Don't Over-share:
Resist the temptation to workshop your feelings with a new love interest, especially if you'd ever like to see them again. The emotional train-wrecks that breakups cause are not a pretty sight and anyone with an ounce of compassion will be inclined to offer support, especially to the dumpee. Don't mistake a sympathetic ear for a free counseling session. It's a sure-fire way to sabotage a new relationship before it even gets started.
The path to true love is littered with crumpled tissues, shredded emotions and "Oh-my-God-what-was-I-thinking?" moments. Getting back into the swing of dating takes strength, determination… and a good sense of humor. Go get 'em tiger(es)! :-)
But as the "I'll never love again" fog lifts and you start seeing the world clearly again (albeit through puffy, bloodshot eyes), it's only natural that your thoughts will eventually turn to meeting someone new.
Let it Be:
It takes time to heal from the rejection, hurt and emotional devastation that comes with the end of a relationship. Make sure you give yourself time to get over things. Don't launch into a rebound relationship before your tear-stained cheeks have dried. The first week post-breakup should be spent with a close friend, bawling like a banshee and not giving a damn what anyone thinks.
Banish the Ex:
Don't call. Don't SMS. Don't email. Don't leave notes on their car windshield. Don't wander by their workplace hoping to "accidentally" bump into them. In short, don't become a crazed stalker. It's unproductive. It's unattractive. And there are laws against it. You'll know when (and if) you can be friends with an ex. Until then, cut the cord and get on with finding someone who actually wants to be with you, not obsessing over someone who doesn't.
Be Kind to Yourself:
Looking after yourself physically and emotionally are the first steps towards getting back in the saddle after a split. Remember to eat (chocolate and chips are fine for the first few days but do try to introduce a few more food groups as the days go by) and drink (thrice as much water as alcohol is a good rule of thumb). Invest in a massage, a short getaway (Vegas works! LOL) or a new haircut. Above all, remember to surround yourself with people who make you feel good.
Go Easy:
Flirting up a storm online is a great self-esteem booster, especially if your confidence has taken a hit. But getting things out of your system by hooking up with workmates, roommates, neighbors or anyone else you see on a regular basis creates more problems than it solves. Don't let your scattered emotions lead you into a liaison with someone close to you, especially someone you know has a crush on you.
Keep it Casual:
If you've got "an itch", by all means scratch it. But don't wreck the bed with the first person that so much as looks at you. Unless you're experienced in the mysterious ways of casual, no-strings sex, now is not the time to get in touch with your Inner Floozy.
Just Perfect:
The phrase "out of the frying pan and into the fire" springs to mind when talking about classic rebound behavior. If you've come out of a less-than-satisfactory relationship, the next half-decent person that happens along will seem like God's gift. It's easy to become infatuated with this apparent Mr. or Ms. Right, who at first glance is everything your ex wasn't. But don't fall into the trap of romanticizing a new love interest. They have just as many faults and quirks as your ex -- you're just not familiar with them yet.
Fess Up:
When you do start dating again, it's considered good form to fill your new guy or girl in on the situation. This is not the time for a scathing critique of your ex boyfriend's sexual performance or a bitch session about your last girlfriend's borderline eating disorder. A simple statement of the fact that you are a little fragile due to a recent breakup will suffice.
Don't Over-share:
Resist the temptation to workshop your feelings with a new love interest, especially if you'd ever like to see them again. The emotional train-wrecks that breakups cause are not a pretty sight and anyone with an ounce of compassion will be inclined to offer support, especially to the dumpee. Don't mistake a sympathetic ear for a free counseling session. It's a sure-fire way to sabotage a new relationship before it even gets started.
The path to true love is littered with crumpled tissues, shredded emotions and "Oh-my-God-what-was-I-thinking?" moments. Getting back into the swing of dating takes strength, determination… and a good sense of humor. Go get 'em tiger(es)! :-)
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